So, Mamma Mia is coming to town, and I want to go see it. My husband declines. I guess I can't blame him, considering he did go with me to see the movie last summer, and he has seen it live twice. Seeing it live three times might make him a little gay, and as much as I enjoy the music of ABBA, I'd rather not force Matt to have serious conversations with his masculinity. All that aside, Mamma Mia led me to have some serious internal conversations myself. The basic plot involves a young bride-to-be on a quest to determine which of her mother's three former lovers is her father. Maybe it was because I saw the movie in the midst of my own fatherless wedding planning, but the idea intrigued me. Apart from my childhood dreams that I was adopted as an infant from my native Italy, and that perhaps my real family would return to claim me and change my name to Raquel, I have mostly lived with the idea that absent though he is, I know who my father is. But it's a lot more fun to imagine that I have a real dad out there somewhere, though he is three months too late to walk me down the aisle. Here is my list of excellent father figure candidates.
Let's begin with the Men of Mamma Mia themselves, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, and Stellan Skarsgard. Unfortunately, I have to eliminate Pierce because of his other life as 007, and that's not an appropriate lifestyle for me to be raised in, not to mention that business from The Thomas Crown Affair. Stellan is eliminated because all I know about him is that he's Swedish and I don't know how to pronounce his last name. This leaves Colin Firth, my lucky day! Colin would be a great dad! I would love to move into Father's English Manor, where we would spend our days walking in our English garden, reading out loud to each other from the collected works of Jane Austen, and lounging in front of the fire, with our Springer Spaniels at our feet. Some Sunday afternoons, my Godmother, Meryl Streep, would come over for afternoon tea, and if we felt like a good laugh, we'd pop in Mamma Mia and sing along. And we'd laugh, and laugh, and laugh...all the way to the bank.
Another excellent father figure candidate is mentor and fashion diva Tim Gunn. He is totally a badass father figure to the fledgling designers on Project Runway, I'm sure he'd love to adopt me. He's a classy man with impeccable taste, and we could split our time between New York and LA. Daddy Gunn is always patient, and always ready with a kind word or bit of inspiration. He'd allow me to make my own mistakes, but I'm no dummy, I'd always take his advice. Especially when it comes to my wardrobe! I'd hate to wear something that was 'out' to Heidi and Seal's Christmas party. I was thinking about Clinton Kelley as a potential dad, but then I decided that Daddy Gunn could adopt Clinton too! He'd be the best big brother (another childhood dream denied) ever, in addition to BFF and shopping buddy. I think we'd all live very fashionably together.
And how about Barrack Obama? Clearly, he's a good father, not to mention well-dressed, well spoken, intelligent, etc. etc. Plus, I would get to travel the world in a fabulous JCrew wardrobe. I would receive an impeccable private school education, which would really help me write my memoirs. I hope that my new sisters like me!
So there's my list of dads I wish I had. Runners up include: Elliot Stabler (too tough...also fictional), Albus Dumbledore (I'd have to compete for his love), and Jon Stewart (because I couldn't decide between him and Stephen Colbert). Dad Fails: Alec Baldwin, Jon Gosselin, and George Lucas.