Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I think it's a good time for my first food review! Don't be alarmed, I am completely qualified to review food. I may have the palate of a nine year old, but I also watch both Top and Iron Chef. Plus, I have also been known to cook something myself now and again. Something besides macaroni and cheese! Ironically, the other night, I did make macaroni and cheese, but it did not come from a box. No sir, I boiled the pasta, and composed a sauce. And it was quite delicious. Unfortunately, I will never make it again, because my cookbook told me it has about 700 calories per serving. Bummer. However, cheesy pasta and calories are not the topics I will discuss today. I want to talk about burgers.

Every now and again, I get a yearning for red meat. And the quickest and cheapest way to satisfy this craving is with a juicy burger. However, I'm not really a fan of fast food burgers. McDonald's are too sweet (weird, I know), and Wendy's has more delicious chicken options. I prefer to limit my Sonic intake to delicious frozen treats. There isn't a Burger King close enough to my house to really consider. If I was going to get a fast food burger within 5 minutes of my home, I would go to the A&W/ Long John Silver's combination. Long John Silver's is disgusting, and the restaurant itself smells vaguely of fish, but you can get a pretty tasty burger, plus a frosty mug of on - tap root beer. And root beer is delicious! I really should drink it more often, I just forget how much I like it.

All things considered, if I'm really in the mood for a burger in town, I would go to Five Guys. Five Guys has mastered the concept of ridiculously simple menu and ridiculously simple food. Seriously, all you can get there is burgers, fries, and hot dogs, but if you get a hot dog, you suck, so don't even consider it. As an added bonus for a picky eater like myself, you order the burger with whatever you want! It's so easy. And the fries...now, this entry is not about fries, but the fries here are so amazing. The eating areas are lined with big boxes of potatoes, and there is always a sign posted telling you where they came from. They are usually from Driggs, Idaho. Driggs has a population of 1,000 people, 900 of them potato farmers. (One of those stats is true). Aside: I was watching Jeopardy, and one of the contestants was from Driggs! I felt like we had a connection! Anyway, the fries are perfect. The come in a wonderfully greasy paper bag, and they're hot and salty and crispy on the outside, and all around fantastic. And the burger is great too. High scores to both the bun and the patty size and flavor.

My burger of choice in Columbia is a Boone Burger from Boone Tavern. There is no better way to spend a Sunday afternoon in Columbia then eating a monstrous burger and washing it down with a Diet Coke and grenadine. You need to bring lots of friends with you though, because you'll probably be there for an hour before the waitress notices you. The fries are definitely nothing to write home about, but the burger is great. I heard somewhere that Boone Tavern uses local beef for the burger. That sounds like it might be good for me, and environmentally conscious. I don't really care though, I just like the burger. And thanks to the condiment bar, I am not hassled by ordering a burger how I like it, I can just add the items I like.

In a perfect world, I could get a Boone burger and Five Guys fries. With a frosty mug of root beer! And for less than 700 calories! Next summer, when I buy a grill, I'm going to see if I can recreate this burger deliciousness from the comfort of my own home. Good eats!

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